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Good intentions

April 26, 2011

I remember mentally saying to myself – “You have to make today a good day. No one else can.”

So much for that.

Monday sucked. Not gonna beat around the bush. I almost called Mom. I would have, if it wasn’t 9pm her time. (They go to bed early.)

I DID however call DP on the way home and ask him to wait until I got home to leave for work. I needed a hug. He obliged and let me cry into his shoulder until he was most assuredly going to be late. What a nice husband.

The thing that irks me is that I don’t know WHY I was such a teary eyed mess. I decided that the best thing to do would be stay home. Lord knows I didn’t want to start bawling on the elliptical or in front of all my bandmates. I was supposed to go work out and to a rehearsal, but I stayed home. I made the Chicken and Dumplings I have been craving for a month now. I made chocolate chip cookies. THE cookies. I made 2 batches, but in my own defense, one of those batches is going to a friend for fixing my bike. So at most I could only eat 16 of them……

I felt better. I cried. I cooked. I baked. I cleaned up after myself (mostly). I tried to figure out WHY I felt so bad. The closest I can get to it is that this is a busy week, and I was feeling overwhelmed. I let myself break three of the 4 rules of  HALT.

 Hungry

Angry

Lonely

Tired

So no, I wasn’t particularly angry, but there were tears coming out for some reason. I think I just need to take each day as it comes, and forget the ones that are gone. I can’t fix what already happened, right? (No Mom, I still haven’t learned that lesson)

I do have a sneaking suspicion (that word looks wrong) that a LOT of the tears may have had to do with the scale. No, this blog isn’t about losing weight per se, but lets face it, It would be nice. And to see the scale go UP (no matter how much more muscle I can feel in my legs) is a devastating occurence. So I am officially getting rid of the scale. I won’t say I don’t care, because what happened Monday is proof I do, but I won’t let myself freak out about it. If the scale isn’t there, I will have to go by how my clothes are fitting and how I am feeling. Which is better for me I think. Bye bye scale.

So tonight I will go home, go for a run, then clean myself up as best as possible  and go smile for the crowds while a group of 7 and 8 year olds are (hopefully) singing their hearts out.

Sorry for the lack of inspiration. If you want, I bet Lisa’s got some to spare. She is currently doing a sugar detox to get ready for giving a new diet plan a try with her hunny. Thinking about the dozen and a half cookies calling my name from the freezer, and the two already in my stomach from the last 24 hours, I think a sugar detox might be needed in a few days…..

How do you deal with that “Gonna cry now” feeling? Do you always know what causes it???

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. April 27, 2011 9:57 am

    Oh no! I’m sorry you are having a hard time. 😦 It sucks when things get so overwhelming and all you want is to just eat COOKIES. Been there. A million times! Hang in there.

  2. April 28, 2011 10:25 am

    You know sometimes you just have to cry and have cookies!!

  3. April 28, 2011 11:42 am

    OMG….Kent loooooooves the cookies! I’ll have to snag the recipe from you soon. THANKS!!!!

  4. Yo Sis permalink
    May 2, 2011 4:07 pm

    You know you can always call me! I never sleep so don’t worry about waking me up if you’ve had a bad day and need to talk. Hope you feel better!

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